Valenna’s Guide to Druidity
Posted 3 months, 3 weeks ago at 12:03 am. 7 comments
I’ve recently acquired a level 70 Druid, and I asked Phaelia what suggestions she had for me. She let me know all the secrets to being a Restoration Druid and I thought I would share them with you:
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As a healer, you are indispensable. You have a guaranteed spot waiting for you in every group or raid. Constantly boastcomplain about the endless number of requests you receive to heal for groups of complete strangers. -
In a party — heal only the main tank as he prevents the mobs from killing you. As the only healer, you are already number one on the healing meter. Ignore healing the rest of the party, except yourself, of course. Remove the DPS from your UI. If they pull aggro, it’s not your responsibility to reward their stupidity.
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In a raid — heal everyone. Focus on the DPS Warrior. Don’t worry about the main tank as much, someone else will take care of it. As you are no longer the only healer, prove your unquestionable worth by healing the DPS Warrior to your #1 spot on the healing meter.
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Ignore every other aspect of your class. You’re a healer. If you wanted to CC, you’d have made a Mage. If you wanted to do damage, you’d have made a … Mage. If you wanted to Remove Curse, you’d have made a … you get the idea.
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Healing meters are more important than everything — except loot. Remember you can only feel useful if you’re #1 on the healing meter.
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If you’re not #1 on the healing meter, #1 cheated and rolled a Shaman. Or a Paladin. Or this fight is obviously biased against HoT-based healing.
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Never use a mana potion. That’s why Elune gave you Innervate. And never, ever, under any circumstance use your Innervate on another player. Also, remember that non-Restoration Druids don’t need their Innervate and ensure you ask for theirs before they use it for something foolish, like themselves.
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Complain about the lack of out of combat resurrection. It really isn’t good enough that Druids can do everything else. We just aren’t complete without it.
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If you manage to get aggro from healing, there’s nothing you can do about it. Immediately stop healing — panic, scream over Vent, and run in wide circles.
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Play down your class’ dominance in PvP. Ignore the fact that it is merely a current design quirk of your spec/class/gear that allows you to do so. Bemoan the nerfing of this clearly (unadmittedly) overpowered ability.
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Healing is EASY. And it only gets easier with alcohol.
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Save your Rebirth. It’s expensive and not really useful as you can’t use it out of combat. If you do use it, use it on the first person who dies even if you know they’ll die three seconds later. Remember it’s the thought that counts.
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Always act like healing is the most stressful thing you’ve ever done in your life. Let them come close to dying just to remind them that you hold their lives in your branches, and it is only by your grace and mercy that you allow them to advance in the game.
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While it may seem contrary to #13, you should encourage everyone to use healing potions, healthstones and even bandages. This is mostly just to stress how great your healing is and how important you are. Plus, this gives you a little more time to take a sip of wine.
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Don’t concern yourself with your facing or where you should stand. You only have to worry about keeping the bars full. If you die, it’s definitely someone else’s fault.
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Shadow Priests in the Mage group don’t help keep the raid alive. Your Shadow Priest pet is your ticket to endless mana. Yes, I know his Shadowfiend only helps the Shadow Priest. By "pet", I was referring to the Shadow Priest.
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Lifebloom. Lifebloom. Lifebloom. You don’t need anything else.
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Roll on every piece of loot; after all, one of your four different roles might be able to use it. If it is mail or plate or a weapon you can’t use, take it to compensate for all of your reagent costs. If it is cloth, bemoan that they never make anything as useful in a leather version. And roll on it anyway.
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Lament endlessly that you can’t view your beautifully dressed avatar in your Tree Form and that Tree Form looks the same regardless of your gear.
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Pretend that you have sympathy for the lack of model changes for ferals and moonkin, but as you’ll never use those forms you really shouldn’t care all that much.
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You should always have priority on every piece of loot. Those specialist classes are too rigid and lack your versatility. By ensuring you have the ability to fill any role, your guild will be prepared for any event. The fact that you never intend to change your build or do anything else other than Restoration doesn’t change the fact that you could — if you wanted.
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Expect a nerf in every patch. Threaten to reroll even if it only affects PvP or ferals. If you do it enough, Blizzard will roll it back. Works every time.
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Cast Mark of the Wild because if you don’t you’ll look like you’re slacking, not because you want to. It’s completely useless compared to every other buff, but players do enjoy its purpley glow. Don’t waste your money using [Wild Quillvine] to save time or extend the casting time. Plus, this way you look frugal and focused!
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Discourage any new Druids from joining the raid or guild regardless of their build. Even one of them is competition for your uniqueness, spot on the healing meter, and most importantly — gear.
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Remember to whine as much as possible. Oh. It’s spelled "wine". Oops.
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Blog … constantly. As a Druid, you can blog about any one of the multiple aspects of your class (even if you only play one of them). Guilt your best friend, Valenna, into posting on his blog even though nothing ever happens to Rogues.
I shared some tips with Phaelia and she wrote up a guide for Roguery on her site. I highly suggest checking it out.
If you ever have the desire to play a mage, I have supplied the following tips for you:
1. Never summon a manna biscuit table unless YOU need them. Summoning a table takes time, effort, and reagents that you need for rebuffing the warlock group.
2. You should be at the top of the damage meters, unless a rogue, warlock, BM Hunter, shadow priest, or fury warrior is in the raid.
3. Mages actually have pets that must always be summoned to be effective. They’re called shadow priests.
4. Spell hit is worthless. Stack up on crit and spell damage only so the only time you don’t see RESIST is when you see huge yellow numbers. Huge yellow numbers = higher dps.
5. Always be the first person to take your portal. You made it, so you get the first ride. Subsequently, never let a shaman use your portal because they can “hearth” anytime.
6. If the cloth loot that drops doesn’t have the exact stats you need, it was made for a warlock.
7. You are the king of AOE. As such, you should be king of single target dps as well. Don’t let any rogues tell you differently.
8. Blink costs too much mana and is always broken. Make your healers dispel any movement reducing effects on you instead.
9. Never use bandages. First of all, they take up cloth that you can use to make bags and sell. Second of all, the amount of time it takes to bandage is equivalent to 2.5 fireballs. That means less damage. Always yell that the healers are “not doing their job” when you are not topped off, because they have the easiest job in the game as they do not have to dps.
10. You are forced to take tailoring and enchanting. The other professions are not even possible to be trained.
11. It is permisible to pull aggro because you can iceblock.
12. In response to number 12, if you ever DO pull aggro, it is not your chain critting at fault. It is either the tanks fault for not doing enough aggro, or invisibility’s fault for not being instant.
13. There’s no reason for invisibility to not be instant. Rogues can become invisible instantly and they don’t even have magics.
14. Hoard your guild’s DKP. Never roll on any loot that is an upgrade because you can always craft something better.
15. Pyroblast was made for pulling. Make sure to let the hunters know that you will be pulling the next boss. This is also the only time you should cut a hunter any slack.
16. Don’t bother speccing into any useful abilites, as they will become trainable in the next patch.
17. Patches never buff mages, they only unnerf us.
18. Keep your polymorph spell close by. It is the only good CC in the game and is necessary for every pull. Make sure you cast it while the mob is close to the tank as well, so they can grab it as soon as possible when it breaks while you are getting “just one last” fireball in.
19. Portals are expensive and time consuming, and therefore should be sold to others at a markup of 10 times the cost.
20. Roll on all swords because you just look plain awesome with a Sun Eater.
21. Mana gems will be worthless until they regenerate 100% of our mana. Until then, they just prevent us from eating flame caps. Likewise, never use a healthstone.
22. You deserve the shaman more than the melee group because if you run out of mana the whole raid is screwed.
23. Ignore aggro for the last 20% of boss fights. Every boss can be burned down before he wipes a raid.
24. Don’t use mana potions. They are for healers. Use a destruction potion instead.
25. Never put an intellect buff on a warlock. Their mana pools are insignificant.
26. Evocate can be used at anytime. If you are low on mana it is more important that you get it back rather than to take the time to resheep or move out of an AOE.
27. Never AOE because it takes to much mana and seed of corruption is better for it anyway.
28. Blog…never. Time spent blogging is time not spent topping a damage meter, and therefore, time wasted.
hahaha, sadly this is kinda true, but darn funny as well, I am know as the guild lootwhore, because everything that drops that someone else don’t express an immidiate interest in, I am sure I’ll have some user for, one day or spec other :)
Oh lol that made me laugh :) Are we druids/mages that bad?^^
Yashima: Yes.
And Valenna, I’m not convinced Phae didn’t write that. Oh wait…YOU are the one who had all the wine to take on board the cruise!
(Yashima: J/K) :D
I am a resto druid and I endorse this article.
omgosh! those were awesome. Loved it!!… and the rogue one was absolutey true! :D